What's next????

Sorry dear Reader,

Physical, mental, financial, legal, blah, blah and blah have kept me from my writing. Sometimes depression sets its ghastly grip upon the fingers and hands of this writer so tightly that not a word can be written.

For months I have been a prisoner; in a cold box of my own design. Playing Jailer, Warden, Parole Board, Nightmare Guard and Prisoner-in-Isolation.

After many months of this self-imprisonment, it was hard enough to make a Dr. appt., let alone post a blog or look for a job. The downward spiral was simply a self-fulfilling prophecy; my interest in music, letters, art ... fading away to shadows as my panic attacks spiked, my happiness plunged into darkness as my weight skyrocket to 300lbs.

Three-HUNDRED. Pounds.

This shadow manifests itself as a shell around my body ... affixed to every curve of my body, just below the skin, its surface area only slightly lower than that of my cuerpo ... to allow [limited] mvmt about the joints and cartilage.

Since the roadwork began I have lost much of this weight (~250lbs now) the sunlight, exercise and camaraderie has picked away at my shell of sorrow long enough to create cracks, fissures, even broken pieces. One day it will crumble away, every last bit. Today however, a healthy amount remains fixed my body and soul, like trans-dimensional barnacles.

Each day they get weaker. Each day one or two of them release their hold, perhaps in search of sadness in greater abundance on some other broken-hearted soul. I appreciate .... FEEL each time one lets go. But there are not 10, 1000 or even 1 million of these. They are w/o number.

Two weeks ago a spasm in my right knees caused me to cry out. I pitched forward and over sideways onto my hardhat and dungarees. As my FRIENDS/Comrades; Mitch and Oz, knelt to lift me up, I raised my head to the sky and damned if BILLIONS of these "sad symbiotic slimeballs" didn't start to release their grip by the BILLIONS.

While untold numbers still remain firmly affixed, this event was exp. by me as some form of higher-power-exp. If it was God, IS God who has helped/is helping, than I give my thanks to Him/Her/It.

Whatever it is, I am on the mend. If you ask [family] ppl close 2 me, they will tell you that "Chris has lost it ... he finally snapped ... he only thinks he's happy ... an extended [three-week?] manic episode .... [or the worst explanation of all] ... he relapsed."

All lies.

For third-party verification, I have two MD's and a Ph.D who will back my claim of recovery, documentation. A swath of new friends that [hopefully] care about me would never have come near me six months ago - nor would I have wanted them to or allowed it.

And if you need any more proof, you need only look the sheer qty of fat cells that are now lean-muscle. That and my Mediterranean olive-skin ... now several shades darker.

Bless you dear Reader. I have several stories bouncing around in this debatably sane/insane head of mine and I plan to use this blog as a proving grounds for them.

Till we meet again. L'chaim!

C

The death of Brick & Mortar

The end of an era.

A few nights ago I got the itch to see a movie. I can usually scratch it via my collection, or the discount bin @WalMart. Like books if it is something I enjoy, I prefer to own it as I have been constructing a prose, video and music library for sometime now. I don't go to theatres anymore. The idea of going in alone is unbearable. I suppose I could find another person to go with, but, to me, that is worse. A treachery.

Standing where I was (in a massive strip mall that use to be half dirt, half tennis courts for senior-citizens.... but that's over 20 yrs ago). Ten yrs ago there were two movie rental places w/in walking distance of that spot; one a chain, one a Mom 'n Pop.

I also knew that the Blockbuster by former employer of 5 yrs had recently closed. So I searched my phone --> "movie rentals 92673" The search found the defunct Blockbuster on Pico and the one on PCH [the one my One & Only and I used to rent from!!!!]

I raced down there.

Vacant.

Gutted.

I wanted to rent! I wanted to see True Grit because Jeff Bridges is in it + Coen Bros. But I haven't seen it so I don't WANT to buy it - maybe it sucks! Unlikely, but I'm too poor to bet $14.95 on it! I wanted to see Battle: Los Angeles because I love LA [and consequently would like to see it LEVELED] and could tell this was one of those movies where they hired B actors so they could spend the remaining $100mill on FX. I KNOW I don't want to own this one - but I DO want to see it. once.

I don't like RedBox, because as soon as you step up to the damn thing, 3 SoCal-in-a-huge-hurry-so -hurry-the-f***-up types file in behind, then 6, then 9.... *sigh* RedBox has taken the Popular/New-Releases section, in so doing eliminating anything decent made before 2010 and the best part - BROWSING. They've also automated the process and eliminated countless jobs.

Why worry? There's a cascading effect here that Amazon, eBay, RedBox, et al. are creating dear reader. The Borders @ Sunset & Vine? Closed. Borders @ Oso Pkwy? "Going out of Business sale."

1st the B&M movies ... then B&M Books. What's next? Oh that's right. Tower Records went belly up years ago.

btw - is it ironic that I am using the same medium [internet] that, as it bulldozes Mom 'n Pop stores and chains alike, also give me a free medium to gripe about it? Or is it a coincidence?
A famous writer/editor once told me that in the Alanis Morrissette hit "Ironic" all the scenarios she poses "...rain on your wedding day/free ride when you've already paid..." are ALL coincidences, NOT ironies???
Maybe this should be the weekly "food for thought" section.

Featured Author: Carolyn Parkhurst
I have just received a copy of her 3rd novel (I read her 1st; Dogs of Babel, in one sitting)

"There are some stories no one wants to hear."

this is the 1st sentence in her latest: The Nobodies Album. I anticipate a roller coaster ride .... in Dogs of Babel, Parkhurst takes the reader from unimaginable tragedy (well, to me it is, but anyway) gut wrenching emotion, to intrigue and suspense, to a tangent that will blow you out of your chair (and if you are a big-time heavy-hitting "dog lover" I must warn that Parkhurst explores unspeakable animal abuse. And Nazis). I just hope it's not like Little Children ... I liked the book so much I bought Tom Perotta's next novel; Which is about a stoner who plucks at his guitar all day and listens to the washer/dryer hum. UNREADABLE. And I like Little Children more that Dogs of Babel, but Ill give Parkhurst the benefit of the doubt and report back.

And you, dear reader, thx 4 stopping by and do something fun this week.

Goodnight America...

Space program on hiatus.

I was not reassured by The White House that the USA will simply stop going to space from American soil for three years; and then it will suddenly start happening again. 

With the retirement of the 30-year-old shuttle and her two sisters; We no longer have a conveyance to take a person, or even a dog, back into space. We also have thousands more scientists, researchers, specialists and mathematicians (et al etc....) who will get the [what I now call] the One o'clock meeting email SUBJ: To discuss future projects for you. 

Then you accept and Outlook places the appointment neatly into your calendar. Whether you can read the writing on the wall or not, the little appt. box on the right-side of your Outlook window has a grimness about you cant quite identify. You take a 1/2 hr lunch @1230 ... and when you walk into the conference room with your notepad and pen - and you see that your boss is already crying and you know your career is about to take a drastic turn (which everyone assures you will be for the better).

What happened to the USA I grew up in? The America of Reagan ... and then Clinton? The last remaining superpower? What happened to free speech? religion? assembly? The right to bare(sp?) arms? Search&Seizure? The correlation of taxation and representation? PRIVACY? Equal protection?

Is it that some dark force has rend the fabric of this nation I grew up with the "full faith and [sic] protection of?"Or is it that I am just now old enough to know that The American Dream is just that .... a dream. 

And I sure wish I know what my only love, mentor and greatest teacher of all would say ... how I miss those marathon philosophical, scientific, metaphysical discussions.

And what of Dr. Sagan? 

Carl?

What would Carl say of the dismantling of NASA? That we simply can't afford to look to the stars, as our ancestors did, every night, for millions and millions of years...

Well. I can think of three hearts that just broke. again.

"We do not do these things because they are easy, but because they are hard."

President John F. Kennedy, re: The Mission to put a man on the moon

"The wind makes dust because it intends to blow ... taking away our footprints."

Specimens of Bushmen Folklore, L.C. Lloyd (1911)

In my effort to create a happy, loving, safe, "ruggedly-individualistic" world, where growth, healing, creativity and spirituality could take root and blossom forever, I was successful in that the most momentous, enduring, sensual, indescribable moments will live as long as two souls are not yet extinguished. in the end, In truth I wrought the exact opposite. Terror, suffering and decay. With luck it will be me that reaps the bulk (as close to 100 percent as possible) of the bitter fruit, as I sowed this dreadful harvest with clumsy hands and defect of common sense .... and watch the world collapse around me.

You know what the worst part about watching everything crash and rend asunder is? 

Watching it alone. With the full-knowledge that I am cursed to walk through this Wasteland for far longer than I wish and that I will be alone the rest of my days. May it be so.

Just me and my books. And my writing. 

Sleep well tonite. dear reader, for I know that it is likely that you suffer more back/neck/wrist/knee/sinus pain than I do, you likely have far more serious chronic disease issues than I do and on top of all that you probably have far more debt to pay off than I. You're underwater with your mortgage and and you're not sure how much longer you can feed your family, or when the process-server will have a seat next to you at the bar, or order a shot, put the 36-hr eviction notice in your hand, leaving you to wonder how much tents cost @ Big5, or if you really CAN sleep in front of WallMart.

Send me your pain tonite, America. Rest easy and let me carry the burden.

For just one night.

Goodnite America. Chris still loves you. Chris still has faith in you. We're going to be ok.

You and Me. Ok. Just stay here with me a little longer.

May it be so.

Happy 4th! / html test

Happy 4th one and all. 

235yrs America ... you don't look a day over 222. ($1 to Wayne Resnick, I'll postdate a check for Friday, no better make it Saturday because of .... well - today).

While others prepare their foul-smelling veggie-dogs, less-foul-smelling assembly-line USDA grade F patties and succulent tri-tip and NY Strip cuts**, blow shit up (legally or not), and find yet another excuse to binge-drink, start shit and get their faces smashed in (either by lack of balance or by messing with the wrong dude, ... or chick) - your humble reporter, writer, reviewers [and occasional pundit] reflects on our past, present and future.

-our glorious victories

-our dreadful mistakes

-our towering successes

-and the shame of our failures

I think about how I got some gas for $3.75/gal recently and how excited it made me, not 5 yrs ago that same price would have sent me into a tizzy-fit.

I think about the S&P500 going up a point, while UI goes up a pt. too.

How fragile the dollar has become. How China, Russia, Japan and God knows who else nip @ our heels and scramble to supplant the Estados Unidos as the world's foremost superpower.

Then my thoughts turn to the SEC, jerking it in their posh little offices to internet p*** while the NYSE crumbled; along w/ Americans' nest-eggs, 401ks, mutual funds, stocks and bonds.

Secrets and lies.

It wasn't the hummer that almost got Clinton impeached, it was that he lied about it later. Same for Mr. Weiner: the sexting (God I h8 that word) probably would have been tolerated until it came out that he was coaching his friends of the fairer sex how to lie to the press and investigators. Watergate, as a standalone B&E, did not force Nixon out of office it was the Executive coverup that severed ol' Dick's job security (no pun intended, yikes!).

Secrets and lies.

Past - Present - Future ... could it be that our morality will become the source of our ultimate success or failure as the "world's only remaining superpower?"

How have secrets and lies eroded your life? your family? your loved one(s)? 

Perhaps if we can stabilize our own backyards, then we can turn our energy and determination to our towns, cities, counties, states ... and this great* nation.

*my hopes and prayers this remains so; long after I am gone.

This is an awful transition but I am brushing up on my HTML, below a search engine for medication should appear:

Search prescription drugs on Drugs.com

On a personal note: The last two 4 July's were good, fun, exciting ... places to go, people to see. This time I have informed Mom, Dad and stepmom that I plan to take the 1 bus to the SC Pier ... but I just don't know if I have it in me. Why couldn't my checks have coincided w/ the holiday??? For me and everyone else on UI, WE get to spend the "weekend" (days make no difference after a few months of this life) with unpaid bills and empty stomachs, with naught but tap water to slake our thirst.

**We had a propane grill in college. We used to load up on steak, chicken, pork/lamb chops, dogs, patties - u name it, I could grill it. The smell that used to excite me with the anticipation of a mouth-watering meal to come... is now just another tease. Mocking me and pocking my empty stomach. I know just how to make up for it though - a very special person introduced me to a BBQgrill-type place that had unbelievably good tri-tip. (southside RSM - ladera ranch? off antonio, b4 u get to the dump, lft-hand side). I'm patient, I can wait. I can wait a looooooong time. 4evr if need be.

Was Bulger the Geezer Bandit?

http://blogs.ocweekly.com/navelgazing/2011/06/whitey_bulger_james_southie_ca.php

Too close to call?

More on this to come. I am a student of the famous Bulger Brothers, one became the head of the Massachusetts State Senate, the other rose to the top of the Irish mob in South Boston, eventually ALSO becoming a key deep-cover contact for a crooked FBI Agent; giving up Italian Mafia members from Providence et al.*
"Whitey" was also Scorsese's inspiration for the Frank Costello char. in The Departed.
The "bad" Bulger is accused of murders > or = 19 and ascended to the #1 spot on the FBI's Most Wanted List following the capture and disposal of UBL.

*source - The Brothers Bulger, How they Terrorized and Corrupted Boston for a Quarter Century, Howie Carr, Grand Central Publishing, NY/Boston, 2006.

Web update

So just as I was about to pull the trigger on cancelling my/reordering my debit, CDL and OneStop card, I thought ... "Let's go to the records ... I deposited about $200 on Friday, no checking action Saturday (as I did not leave the house). Sunday I went two places; the WF ATM across the st. ... + the Starbucks adjacent (forgive me dear reader, but after 6 years on 'n off employment their in HS and early college ... I am hopelessly addicted to their South American beans. Colombia, Guatemala, House Blend (fun fact - they just stir the Gust and Colombia together; that's what "House Blend" is) and now Pike Place Roast, also a SA concoction, do not quote me on this but I think all they did was adjust the Col to Gua ratio and roast the beans SLIGHTLY longer.

Anyway I see that the only two places I have gone in many days in WF ATM and TakeBucks. So I went in today, ordered a Grande South American Blend + cheese danish and inquired about the lost wallet, I had decided to see if I could brush up on my math skills, so w/ a book and some scartch papel en mano .... I found an empty table (rare) and dropped my detritus on or near the table - there was a chance that the wallet could've fallen and been forgotten by me or fell out of my pocket or what have you .... yep, they had it! Nice. "Um yes super-thin black wallet? Fake plastic vinyl? No $ in it? Contains 1 debit, 1 CDL and my "officially-state-verified-and-sponsored loser card? Chris Welke? or Christopher Ernest?

Ahh.... my life was for a very brief moment, complete.

BTW - that day I brushing up on my graduate-level math skills by attempting to prove two axioms, one carefully guarded by the Pythagoreans and considered sacred, the other on the same level; by Plato and his ppl; Archimedes et al.

1. Prove that all right triangle's: (ex below) 

(thx to efg2.com)

Where, by def; the length of x,y=1 and angle{x,y} = 90 degrees, have a hypotenuse h.

h= sqrt(2), 

Prove: sqrt(2) belongs to the set of Irrational numbers. That is, there are no two integers, I'll just call them p,q that when expressed as p/q (p, q !=0) and p, q have now common denominator. This is is proved by an ancient technique known by the latin contemporaries who discovered it as reductio ad absurdum. Don't worry I won't bore u w/ the actual proof, over your head or not? It is only interesting to geeks como yo. :)

Much more difficult was: Prove that there exists 5 and only 5 regular Platonic solids. Ex: dice are regular Platonic solids because: 1. all edges are of equal length, all veritices are of = angle and the area each face in =. hope I am not forgetting something.

They are the elegant, sacred Platonic Solids:* Tetrahedron, Cube, Icosahedron, Octahedron and the Dodecahedron. I should win an award for using "dodecahedron" in a sentence). plz send $$$ in lieu of plaques or flowers or ... thx.

It's all based on the fact that a regular solid has the following property: vertices - edges + faces = 2.

Again I was pretty d*** proud of my myself when I solved it, so excited in fact that I left sans walleto.

RE: my Weiner preDiction ...looks like I'm nearly on the mark, the only question is how far off the mark I will be KFI and KFWB both reported the Dem leaders in C were "lining up to call to for his resignation." Weiner told the press he is "waiting for his wife to come home."

Translation: he needs her @his side when he calls that resignation-press-conf I told you about last week. (He wants her at his side during the speech, like Kobe and the $4million pink diamond ring. 'Cept Weiner don't have that kimnda jack homie!!! So plz tell me you would hire me over him and his dinky PS BS.

I don't know something tells me that I will have to worry about finances than Weiner. Or Weiner's weiner for that matter. And thank you for introducing 'sext' into the official lexicon of American English. We are becoming a better society each day. 

Choices ...

The outplacement service Meta sent me; Lee Hecht Harrison, right next to the runway @ 38 Exec Circle #200.  

I sort of attended their "Milestones" seminar. it was an 18-hr affair. Tues and Thu 9-5. 

Tues was all about the rez. as part of my side-business, I create and counsel layed-off Meta employees and create a professional resume for them . I hand them a worksheet that prompts them for all the data I need, then I create a rez that takes their bar napkins, email printouts, scribble notes and transforms a 20 year Manufacturing career into an elegant Resume that WON'T get sent to the recycle bin. I also specialize in MIL--> CIV resumes. My pay terms are "donations accepted" I have 100 percent customer satisfaction - they all have jobs! Some of the donations have been very generous. In addition I counsel them about how interviews go in 2011. I give then the behavioral question list and we go through them, if we have no answer we say so but try to provide one that's better than nothing. 

If you havent been on a job interview since 2008, when they slam you with the behavioral questions? you will shit your pants, but not if you prepare. :)

I wanted to see if LHH has anything on day one that I did not know. I like their "exit statement" -the prose right after your name/ph/email/addy. I have always called it "Objective," as in "This is who I am, this is why I am applying. I know that a job with ABC Widgets will add VALUE to ABC and ENHANCE my career as well (Everyone make lots of green paper to gamble away!)."

-or-

In this economy... "Obj: My daughter, she is hungry. I bring shame to family each night she lie with a knot in her tummy. I work hard. I show up early every day, I leave last. Any day, any hours, safety is no concern. In short - to pour a bowl of Fruit Loops at midnight for my Princess." [ive written obj like this before - they WORK].

I reworked my exit statement but refuse to call it that. The afternoon of the 1st day was more rez detritus, I have my own theories about this that are tried and tested successful (Like if it wont fit on one pg; delete some shit-- Don't put your job history on your resume!!! that goes on the application ... same with the references!!)

Anyway when mine are approved by the customer I publish them. Unless specified I publish 1 pdf, 1*.doc .... and I can't make *.docx no more ... I only have Office 2003.

WISH LIST - NEW MAC RUNNING CS5

CalJobs has been very helpful, EDD as well. I received an UI award based on the most $ I made in an individual Fiscal 2010 Qtr. That was ~$9500 so I get about $12/hr to do ... youre lookin at it!!

I got an email recently that I become a LHH "alumni" in two weeks; meaning I'll no longer have access to their "job board that is a step above Monster or CareerBuilder" LIE

useless training sessions and links! Like if I wanted to become an Adobe Certified Associate, btu couldn't type adobe.com or searched for "adobe training OR certification" ...

...so that's bummer.

I'm looking at the UCLA extension - they have a 2yr postgrad pgm in Graphic Arts

From InDesign to Flash to Dreamweaver, Javacript, Photoshop, Illustrator, Lightroom, plus all the design stuff I already know ....

Also the UCLA Certified Paralegal - maybe change my last name to mother's maiden so I can get a nice clerkship on the West-side.

What I will NOT do is go back $8/hr. I will not erase the last 13 yrs of my life and take a job that a SCHS grad could do.

Thts enough 4 2nite. 

Assholes.  

 

How will Weiner's weiner "shake out"

A lot of time I am accurate in predicting the outcome of political scandals ... other things too, I forgot what but anyway:

1. Next Monday: Official DNC Caucus Ethic Comm. Inquiry

1a. (inside the "smoke-filled room") where whoever is Actually in charge of the DNC will decide to force him out, not so much for the *ahem* sexting, but for lying about it to, amoung others, the Prez.

2. Next Tuesday: the front-men and women for whoever really is in charge, in this case Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, maybe Obama himself, will tell him he "needs to resign for the good of The Party and save face for The Party and to keep The Party as blemish-free as possible going into the November 2012 election."

2a. If he continues to refuse, citing financial woes (he has no JD or MBA to fall back on. His wife was pulling down $120,000, but I suspect it was due to her husband's high political ranking) they will buy him off with a healthy severance. 2 years, 4 years? Half a Mill$ falls out of Bloomberg's pocket everytime he sneezes. Hilary could probably offer a full-ride NYU post-grad scholarship of his choice (He finished w/ a BS in PolySci ... about as BS as my Journalism degree.) A BS only guarantees you well .... what's in a name?

If Weiner still refuses ... then they'll bring out the big guns ... I bet the farm Dick Morris has been a busy boy; names, dates, places, phone records, transcripts, depositions, FEDERAL charges just waiting to be filed, warrants bearing the signatures of people who did get their JD, audio, video and a small army of women.

***NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS OR DOES - WEINER WILL AGREE TO RESIGN AT THIS MEETING***

The last words of his career, being "Where do I sign?"

3. Next Wednesday: 9am Press Conference: "Having reviewed my blah blah blah with my team we have come to the difficult decision that ... ... ... ... and effective 9am next Monday I will no longer represent the people of New York's 9th District, Brooklyn, Queens and Rockaway."

[then some flowery lies about how SORRY he is (sorry that he got caught)] and that he will spend the upcoming free-time "stay-close and reconnect w/ his family ... make amends to them." add some crocodile tears ....

AAAAAAND \scene [NO Q's!!! fast exit]

btw - when a congressman resigns, a special election is held to replace the seat. NY's 9th district is gerrymandered so obviously you can guarantee it'll be another Democrat, ... check that a liberal Democrat. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

IMO - This sick prick (ahh the puns are too EZ) should've resigned IMMEDIATELY. The DNC represents 72 million Americans (as of 2004 election) I would round that to a cool 100 Mill for the 7 year old data and the ppl who did not vote in 2004. 

Did he cheat? - I can't believe this is even an issue, if you think it's "not cheating if no touching is involved," you are way off. There are ways of cheating that are worse than sex. This is not the behavior of a devoted/loving husband. If he wanted to see other women he had an obligation to tell the truth, make a separation, initiate divorce proceedings, get the kids and the collateral sorted out ... then and only then should he look to date other women, or text them, or what have you. (Having not been through an actual legal divorce, If got divorced, I would wait a little longer than dry-ink on the alimony settlement before jumping into bed w/ someone else. Out of respect for the Mother of my hypothetical children and for the vows we had taken before [higher-power] and to each other). Having lost The One, I choose not to date anymore. I just don't want to.

I used to think no-touch = not-cheating.

Like everything else I had to learn the hard way.

Such heartless, pitiful, harmful, cruel folly.

Guys - if you are lucky enough to have found The One - I can save you a lot of heartache:

1. Burn your "little black book" -or- delete all such #'s from phone.

2. Tear down all social networking unless u need it 4 job.

3. Tear down all online dating profiles (Match, eHarmony this should be obvious) if you cancelled it - it is still posted. YOU HAVE TO CALL CUSTOMER SERVICE. KEEP CALLING UNTIL YOU CAN'T SEE IT ANYMORE. SAME GOES FOR #2 ABOVE.

4. Change your cell# give it to her, your family and friends that she approves of and business contacts.

5. No more chat rooms: IRC, ICQ or otherwise. WebEx type apps are only for business, communicating with family/friends who live far away or if The One wants to have a pictochat w/ you.*

6. Let her set up your new personal email - now is a good time to switch to Gmail!

7. Say good-bye to your platonic friends that are of the fairer sex. They will understand.

8. ****If you get a text from any woman who is not The One - DO. NOT. REPLY. Ex, friend ... the only acceptable reply or call back is to a female business associate or family.

***THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS IS TO TURN CONTROL OVER TO HER REGARDING WHO YOU COMMUNICATE WITH*** IF 1 THROUGH 7 FRIGHTEN YOU, THAT'S OK. NORMAL. IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO CARRY THEM OUT... SORRY BUB .... SHE ISNT THE ONE.

*Speaking of chat, Opie and Anthony had Brightbart in this morning, what he may not have been aware of is that OnA are wired for PalTalk - so superfans of the show can watch online.

The funny thing is that when they first installed it, about 500 guys logged on, over half of them had pics of their dick as avatars ... lol. That's why Opie asked him to whip out (another pun!) his iPhone and "just show me" the dick-pic. I am surprised Brightbart didn't notice the 5 web-cams distributed about their sat-studio.  

MySpace Blog destruction

To my readers who looked to my myspace blog for news, reviews commentary and unfortunate drunk-a-logs ... @ the advice of a person far more wise than I could ever dream of did me the favor of assisting in cleaning up my online self-presentation, perhaps we should call it self preservation.

There was a match.com profile I had canceled in (well I was living in that nice apt ... so 2006 or '7). If you cancel it, they leave it up! Three emails and two ph calls got the match profile torn down.

There were unfortunate comments I made on various BBS's; forgetting that it stays posted forever and something you thought your Clear Channel buddies would laugh @ insidejokesnotwithstanding, these comments could be found upsetting seven yrs l8r to someone who did not know you in 2003 but is looking into your online background.

My MySpace blog was attrocious; I still had 3 quarters left to finish my BS (so im posting under heavy stress, anxiety, running on NO SLEEP and NO FOOD, only the liquid and protein found in Sierra Nevada was keeping me alive...) so that blog was LOADED with massive SPJ ethical violations, and contained language not fit to print - anywhere - any potential employer could google me, find the blog MOVE THE FUCK ON.
 *Sigh* 100s of pages ... much of it GREAT writing, but it had to go

MySpace was the hardest to destroy. the account was so old it was tied to chriswelke1@hotmail which no longer existed! so the request to terminate the account got sent to a dead email. I must've called MySpace CSRs 10x. I'm so glad its done. It was the RIGHT thing to do. When I signed up (this was 2003 again) at the behest of a good friend who said, it was a "cool way to meet chicks, free! you gotta try it!!"about 50,000 accounts existed (minus shadow, dupe, mirror and alias...that's about 15k ACTUAL PEOPLE) it was a cool app back then. I used to PM back and forth w/ Tom, how cool is that!!
****side note*** my one and only foray into online dating was through MySpace. I had 2 dates, w/ 2 women and failed miserably-the end :).

MySpace paved the way for social networking, but its major design flaw was security. Remember the comments on your main pg? One day I saw a comment from Trevor....said "use this promo code to apply for your NEW PLATINUM Visa etc......" so I PMd: "dude, do you like work for this company now?" he apologized and said some credit card hacks had gotten into his account and posted that to EVERY FRIEND PAGE. Bummer, right? A year later my account posted porn links on friend's pages. I found out by walking into work, having a manager warn me that I'd been hit BAD, a quick stop by a cubicle where a friend from HS had it up...also knew it was BS, but said I needed to call her friend ASAP bcuz a) she called up my co-worker/friend in tears over it and b) I had a loooooong term crush on her friend, who now wanted to know why "Chris would post perverted pictures and links on my page!" BUST! 

Enter Dave Smith who changes circles into squares each day for Northrop Grumman, he makes lots of really good squares, they are always equilateral and his right angles are  rarely  outside 89.999 degrees and 90.001 degrees (per ISO 9001! and ASQ!... oh yeah!). QC and the Foreman like him. 

As a young rapper and composer, Dave wanted to design soundboards for radio, bands, concerts ... all kinds for shit. He was going to have the raddest LP collection on earth, with the coolest tables (that he would also design and build, right down to the needle - and the best mixer/amplifier/board that could make 100s weep @ a wedding or have 100,000 ravers worship him at The Coliseum ... write tracks for Lady Gaga, Alicia Keys, et al.

Today all his equipment is beyond ancient in technology terms. Useless. His G4 wont plugNplay with shit, He learned editing w/ CoolEdit ... cuz that's what ClearChannel was all about back then, and 1 of his references is dead, one is senile and the other is AWOL.

Hmmm... since Dave has a stable job w/ benefits and he lives in the nearby gay secxn of LB. His studio, rent-controlled, is easy to pay for, he only makes $10/hr take-home, but his bf makes $12.50 at Boeing (he changes squares into circles which is more technical, hence the extra $2 + change). 

The quaint 1-bdroom runs $1150 per, but with Dave's $1800 and the butch's $2200 there's nearly $1000 left over after rent. that'ss dolla dolla bill y'all!

Dave mentions his dream one morning over Froot Loops and Katie Couric:

"y'know I been thinkin' maybe there is more to life than the Assembly Line @ the LB airport? I mean, the Foreman doesn't know my name - it's been 10 years! I'm the best square-maker they got! And my pay has only gone up to pace inflation. I started in 2001 @$6.50, FFwd to 2011? I make $9.97, no promotions. The bennies are nice, but I have perfect teeth and I get sick like once a year - I have paid $1000's into their pgm and I've taken a sum total of 5 fillings, 1 case of strep, and 2 flu's - one of which was food poisoning because they served us expired shellfish @ the  "Employee Appreciation Luncheon."

"Maybe there's something more to life, you know? This be the LBC! There's studios on every corner, I could find a firesale on parts, recycle em into a mixer, some turntbles, write some chords and lay down a beat in Finale or Audacity ... sign up for a open mike night; DJing ... maybe do house parties ... spin a little Cher ...."

BF: "Be realistic Dave, we trade 40 hours of mundacity each week so we we can hit the cool clubs, dine at the trendy bistro's ... next week we're going out with Lindsay Lohan's sister's COUSIN ... and look at this loft! The next tenant will pay $1800. We(you/us) can't just risk it all.

What I was trying to say in that gay-allegory is that ... why do we settle for these jobs that defile our creativity, trap us into things like 401Ks, mortgages, kids and other things that put the brakes on our hopes and dreams and wishes to the point that to our friends, sig others and family - it becomes CRAZY to pursue anything different that your Production Mgr job @ the Widget Factory.

I WANT MORE. I DONT CARE ABOUT SECURITY OR $. THE SAME WISE PERSON TOLD ME THAT. THANKS .... YOU. :)