I was not reassured by The White House that the USA will simply stop going to space from American soil for three years; and then it will suddenly start happening again.
With the retirement of the 30-year-old shuttle and her two sisters; We no longer have a conveyance to take a person, or even a dog, back into space. We also have thousands more scientists, researchers, specialists and mathematicians (et al etc....) who will get the [what I now call] the One o'clock meeting email SUBJ: To discuss future projects for you.
Then you accept and Outlook places the appointment neatly into your calendar. Whether you can read the writing on the wall or not, the little appt. box on the right-side of your Outlook window has a grimness about you cant quite identify. You take a 1/2 hr lunch @1230 ... and when you walk into the conference room with your notepad and pen - and you see that your boss is already crying and you know your career is about to take a drastic turn (which everyone assures you will be for the better).
What happened to the USA I grew up in? The America of Reagan ... and then Clinton? The last remaining superpower? What happened to free speech? religion? assembly? The right to bare(sp?) arms? Search&Seizure? The correlation of taxation and representation? PRIVACY? Equal protection?
Is it that some dark force has rend the fabric of this nation I grew up with the "full faith and [sic] protection of?"Or is it that I am just now old enough to know that The American Dream is just that .... a dream.
And I sure wish I know what my only love, mentor and greatest teacher of all would say ... how I miss those marathon philosophical, scientific, metaphysical discussions.
And what of Dr. Sagan?
Carl?
What would Carl say of the dismantling of NASA? That we simply can't afford to look to the stars, as our ancestors did, every night, for millions and millions of years...
Well. I can think of three hearts that just broke. again.
"We do not do these things because they are easy, but because they are hard."
President John F. Kennedy, re: The Mission to put a man on the moon
"The wind makes dust because it intends to blow ... taking away our footprints."
Specimens of Bushmen Folklore, L.C. Lloyd (1911)
In my effort to create a happy, loving, safe, "ruggedly-individualistic" world, where growth, healing, creativity and spirituality could take root and blossom forever, I was successful in that the most momentous, enduring, sensual, indescribable moments will live as long as two souls are not yet extinguished. in the end, In truth I wrought the exact opposite. Terror, suffering and decay. With luck it will be me that reaps the bulk (as close to 100 percent as possible) of the bitter fruit, as I sowed this dreadful harvest with clumsy hands and defect of common sense .... and watch the world collapse around me.
You know what the worst part about watching everything crash and rend asunder is?
Watching it alone. With the full-knowledge that I am cursed to walk through this Wasteland for far longer than I wish and that I will be alone the rest of my days. May it be so.
Just me and my books. And my writing.
Sleep well tonite. dear reader, for I know that it is likely that you suffer more back/neck/wrist/knee/sinus pain than I do, you likely have far more serious chronic disease issues than I do and on top of all that you probably have far more debt to pay off than I. You're underwater with your mortgage and and you're not sure how much longer you can feed your family, or when the process-server will have a seat next to you at the bar, or order a shot, put the 36-hr eviction notice in your hand, leaving you to wonder how much tents cost @ Big5, or if you really CAN sleep in front of WallMart.
Send me your pain tonite, America. Rest easy and let me carry the burden.
For just one night.
Goodnite America. Chris still loves you. Chris still has faith in you. We're going to be ok.
You and Me. Ok. Just stay here with me a little longer.
May it be so.
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